Saturday, January 25, 2014

And the Golden Sweatpants Goes To...

In celebration of my third favorite season -- Award Season -- my sister had the brilliant idea that we should create our own awards. What honors would we bestow upon our favorite TV and movie actors if they asked? They wouldn't, of course. But, what if they did? What are the categories that the people really care about? 
Tina and Amy doing their thing, being hilarious at The Golden Globes
You know how the most famous and talented actors, actresses, directors, producers, writers, seat warmers, etc. etc. etc. spend January thru March flocking to large venues in gorgeous gowns and tuxedos to recognize and celebrate one another as well as their craft overall? 

These awards are nothing like that. 

These are The Golden Sweatpants

The award name derives from the attire we are usually wearing when watching television, movies, or miniseries. (I'm not convinced I've ever actually watched a miniseries though.) We were originally going to call it The Golden Fleece, but apparently that's already a thing. And, well, we really feel these awards are going to take-off, so we must make sure it is trademarkable. (Totally a word, despite auto-correct insisting otherwise.)

Me too, girl. Me too.
Because we made up these awards ourselves and it is hard to settle a tie between two people, many categories have multiple winners.There are also a lot of explanations. That's allowed because we are the bosses. It should also be known that we did not enlist the help of an official accounting firm like they do for the Globes or the Oscars. In fact, our nominating and voting process took place entirely over text messages in the span of an hour. 
Official Ballot of The Golden Sweatpants.

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

New Year, New Me...Well, Maybe.

It's January 15. Also known as, the beginning of the end for many new year's resolutions. You've made it through half of the first month -- good for you. I hope you continue with whatever it is you've promised to do. But, let's face it, new year's resolutions are hard. 

That's why I never make them. 

However, I've learned that people don't like it when you don't make resolutions. I was asked multiple times over the holidays what my resolutions would be and received glares of disdain when I said I didn't really plan on making any. Their mouths said, "Oh. ok, that's cool." But their eyes said, "Do you think you're perfect or something?"

Um, obviously.

Actually, I'm so imperfect that I don't want to set myself up for failure. My whole life is one big resolution to get better, make good decisions, and not be a total waste of space. It's an ongoing battle. In that sense, I suppose I make new resolutions all the time. Like, at the end of the month when I check my bank statement and decree, I'm never dining out again! Or, when I'm tired in the morning and decide, From now on, I will go to bed early! 9:30 is my new bedtime! Call it a resolution if you want to, but in the words of Kirsten Wiig, sometimes you just need to "get your shit together." If that happens in January, well then, good for you.

I don't mean to be so cynical about your New Year's resolutions, I suppose I see the value of putting it out there. Last year, I approached resolutions with the same ambivalent attitude but made a few for the sake of the blog. Lo and behold, I actually kept a few of them! I found a place to volunteer (shout out to Children's National and Lucky Dog Animal Rescue), visited several DC sites, and even vacuumed more regularly. Certainly I'm not candidate for the cover of a "New Year, New You!" issue of a magazine, but not too shabby, if you ask me  

Since I wasn't a complete failure in my half-assed 2013 resolutions, and want to appease the glare-giving resolutions enthusiasts, I compiled the following list of things I might possibly try to do. Here goes nothing.