Monday, May 11, 2015

Thirty: Like 20, But With Rent

Hi guys.

It’s me.

I’m back.

At least, I’m back for a week until summer classes start. Then I’ll probably disappear again. I’m like the Pumpkin Spice Latte of bloggers
only here for a limited amount of time, mainly followed by basic white girls (jk), and not really as enjoyable as you once remembered.

Since we last spoke, I finished two semesters of graduate school, and this time next year, I’ll be done completely (hopefully). I probably won’t make you treat me any differently or call me master or anything, but if you wanted to then, whatever, I’m not the boss of you.

Also since my last post, I entered a new decade. In the words of everyone's favorite time-traveling magazine editor in the cinematic classic 13 Going on 30, "I'm thirty, flirty, and thriving!" 

Well, I'm at least one of those things. 

Pop band in the making.
Farewell 20's, I was never that good at you anyways. I think I was supposed to use my 20's to party and rage and be irresponsible or something. Oops. Instead I went to bed on time, ate kale, and wore SPF 30+ on every square inch of my body. That’s OK. Haters gonna be hatin’ when I’m wrinkle-free at 65, y’all.

I ushered in this new decade, the best way I know how
belting out 80's & 90's jams with people I love, emotionally fist-pumping through everything from Dolly Parton to Whitney Houston. That’s right, I welcomed 30 with pizza and karaoke. Dare I say, the perfect combination? We had a private room at the aptly named Wok and Roll. (Try to say that without giggling but also feeling a little bit racist.) 

The best part of karaokeand this is not exclusive to Wok and Rollis when they don’t own the rights to the actual music video, they show stock video of things like families on a cruise or people walking through a parkjust as Whitney would have wanted. My sister and I performed a moving rendition of the karaoke cliche “Don’t Stop Believing” to a backdrop of water adventures. Nothing says “South Detroit” like a Grecian cruise.
Melissa and I perform Journey, while families parasail in the background
I can’t conclusively say that we were the best karaoke party there that night, but I also don’t hear anyone arguing to the contrary, so….

I was actually pretty excited to turn 30. I always felt 29 was kind of a dumb age. You're sort of just stuck in the middle. You've been able to legally buy a drink for nearly a decade, you can rent a car, your friends are having babies, and you greatly value things like an "in-unit washer/dryer." You’re just kind of holding on to your 20s at that point, even though your baby-filled Facebook feed and hard-to-get-over hangovers indicate it's time to move on.

In my wise old age, I decided to reflect back on how I was the last time I entered a new decade. Here's how some things have changed: 

20-year-old Lindsay
30-year-old Lindsay
Can’t legally drink
Often doesn't get carded 
(I like to think it’s because there’s wisdom in these eyes)
Drinks $3 champagne
Drinks $12 champagne
In bed by 11 p.m.
In bed by 11 p.m. at the latest
“OMG he called me on the phone.”
“OMG he called me on the phone? Ugh, just text it.”
“Does my hair look okay?”
“Does my hair look kinda gray?”
“My mom thinks she knows everything”
“I should call my mom. She knows everything.”
SPF 15
SPF 150
“Ooh I have a voicemail!”
“Oh, I have a voicemail.” *ignore*
“I hope this party has good music!”
“I hope this party has good wifi!”
“I’m going to take a shower.”
"I’m going to a shower...for a baby...or a wedding...or a baby...or a wedding."
(Though, let it be known, I do still shower at age 30)
“Dad, will you do my taxes?”
“Dad, will you do my taxes?”
Quizzes as a form of stress
Quizzes as a form of entertainment
“The more the merrier!”
“Why are there so many people here?”
“I wish I could but I can’t because I have [list of excuses]”
“I wish I could but I don’t really want to.”
Pays no rent
Pays SO MUCH rent
Makes it a Blockbuster Night
Netflix Night for the win.
Spends money on attire for theme parties
Spends money on attire for theme parties known as weddings  
Procrastinates on school work
Procrastinates on school work
Knows best friends’ phone numbers by heart
Knows only own phone number by heart (and just barely)
No disposable income
No disposable income (because it’s all spent on concerts)
Boards the plane in Zone 5
Boards the plane in Zone 2
Knows best places for an inexpensive brunch
Knows that bottomless mimosas are worth the investment
“Does this bread look moldy?”
“Does this bread look gluten-y?”


  1. Lindsey!

    This is wonderful! Write a script!


    Sue Stratton

  2. Wish you had time to write more. You know how much I love your posts!

  3. Aw, thanks! I'll write more posts if y'all agree to do my homework for me. Deal?