My Love/Hate Relationship With Halloween

I have mixed emotions about Halloween as an adult. I love the creativity it inspires. Also, I love candy.

But costumes are hard, y'all.

(And, before you roll your eyes, this won't be another rant about how Halloween costumes for adults are offensively trashy—though it could be. I actually have a lot of thoughts on that topic. I mean, "sexy elephant?" What the hell is that?)

I've never had a truly great costume as an adult. When you're a kid, every costume seems great. My best was Sesame Street's Ernie at the age of 3....and 4. When you have a costume as stellar as Ernie, you recycle. After that it was a series of fun—but not original—witches, clowns, and punk rockers. The latter was because my sister was that one year and I saw she got to put glitter in her hair. 

I remember being jealous of my sister's suspenders. Then again, I got that sweet wig. 

Surprisingly, not Halloween, despite what we're wearing. Just thought I'd include, in case you wondered where my sister got those suspenders. 

My sister, crushing it with her Halloween costume. Me, deciding I just wanted to wear a soccer jersey. 

As a kid, it was awesome to dress up as anything, especially because you got candy. Then I became a "grown up" and the pressure was on to have a "clever costume." You know, the ones that are relevant and witty, without being cliche. (Be honest, how many of you are considering going as Donald Trump or "Deflategate"?) You're supposed to be creative and smart.This is especially true if you have friends who are good at Halloween. And, boy, are my friends good at Halloween. 

To be perfectly clear, I have no problem with Halloween. The problem is with me. I own that. I love seeing other people's clever costumes. I'm just never one of those people.  

I don't want to be the party pooper who phones it in, but I also get overwhelmed at all the options and effort that goes into a great costume. Fortunately, my best friend, the Internet, is chock-full of ideas, listing everything from "31 Costumes Your Squad Can Rock This Halloween" to "Eco-Friendly Thrift Store Costume Ideas."

I decided to start with "Cheap Costumes" on Pinterest. But here's the thing about cheap costumes: They look like a helluva a lot of work. 

Where's the list, "Top 10 Costumes for the Girl Who Appreciates Creativity and Wants to Play Along but is Sort of 'Meh' on Effort"?

Sure, I could turn myself into this pants-less Rubik's Cube (unclear why she's not wearing pants), but I'd have to cut and paint boxes? And then assemble them and then wear them? I might as well just try to solve a real Rubik's Cube. 

And then there are the classic costumes that involve inherently fun materials like balloons. Adorable. I love them. I don't love sitting on the floor of my apartment blowing up balloons to then adhere to my body. Also, how do you get in and out of your car, or the Metro, or a bathroom? (Oooh, maybe that's why the Rubik's Cube involves no pants.) 

(Santy Gibson/Demand Media)

In truth, I'll probably buy an inexpensive costume online. That's what Amazon Prime is for, right? I'll be something everyone loves, like a cupcake or Tina Fey. 

If all else fails,  I've told everyone my backup is "Myself on a Saturday Night if I Wasn't Invited to This Party." I'll wear sweatpants and a ponytail, carry a glass of wine, and text my sister. 

Or, perhaps, I'll simply create half of the Rubik's Cube costume, tape a couple balloons to it and go as "The Girl Who Tried Her Best." 

Happy Halloween.