"I'll Just Buy A Bunch of Nipples!"

That's a phrase that's normal for me now. In fact, my Mom yelled it in the middle of a public space. Along with, "Lindsay, I'm over in the nipples!" 

Maybe I should back up and start at the beginning.

I was planning on writing about the Olympics. I told you in my last post that I LOVE the Olympics. I decided to write about them after the official Closing Ceremonies, partly because I wanted to recap the full two weeks in all their glory and partly because I wouldn't have time to write about it before I danced my ass off at Caroline and Will's wedding. 

The Wedding. (Photo courtesy of Catty Amos. Photographer unknown, but definitely not whoever Catty and Sarah think the photographer may be.)

So, I was all ready for the Olympics post. I was going to talk about how awesome Missy Franklin is, how horrible the poolside interview questions were, how I think I could've been the greatest rhythmic gymnast of all time, and, of course, the Spice Girls reunion.

That was the plan for Monday. I was going to catch up on sleep Sunday night, and write a rivoting gold-medal-worthy post after work on Monday evening. 

Then, this happened:

That's right, y'all. Good thing we already had the Jell-O shot baby shower, because Charles Sawyer Sullivan Thomson decided he was ready to make his entrance into the world. Actually, it wasn't his decision, his placenta decided to fight back against my sister (or something like that. Pretty sure that's the first and hopefully only time I'll use the term placenta on my blog). 

Due to an intensely quick onset of HELLP Syndrome, Charlie had to be delivered via emergency c-section on August 13. When Melissa and Pete woke up Monday morning, they certainly didn't expect to be ending the day with a baby, but we're sure glad he's here. All 4 pounds 9 oz of him.

(Apparently babies lose weight when they're born? So, he's now, like, 4lbs 3 oz or something? All I know is that he is HEALTHY and THE MOST ADORABLE BABY OF ALL TIME). 

After an extended stay in the hospital due to blood pressure and HELLP Syndrome complications, my sister and Charlie were discharged yesterday and are now home. 

Basically, Melissa is a total bad-ass. My sister - who never met a shot that didn't terrify her - has been through it this last week. After multiple scary blood pressure spikes, she is now home and on the mend. Charlie must have inherited that "Can't-Nobody-Keep-Me-Down" gene from her because, despite his small size, he passed every test and fought hard to avoid having to go to the Neonatal ICU. I also have to give a shout out to Pete who - whether he was ready or not - stepped up and became a connoisseur of "diaper output consistencies" and is an expert on baby swaddling.

I can't really speak to how their Monday went down, but here's what happened for ME.  I mean, this is my blog after all. Plus, my version is less scary as I (thankfully) didn't really know how serious the situation could've been. 

6:00a.m. - GOODNESS GRACIOUS, I'm exhausted. That wedding wore me out. I'm going to bed at 8:30pm tonight.

9:00a.m. - Mom emails me. I complain that I'm tired. She says "Oh, well you'll get a good night's rest tonight." 

10:56a.m. - Melissa texts "Kent from SYTYCD on last week's Bunheads!"

12:00p.m. - I eat lunch. Peanut butter and jelly and an apple. It's not very delicious.

3:46p.m. - I'm in a meeting. Melissa texts "Headed to L&D. Preeclampsia and if it's severe they deliver him today." (Far cry from the previous uber-important Bunheads text)

3:47p.m. - I try to call Melissa. They are trying to check in to the hospital and can't talk.

4:45p.m. - I'm out of meeting and now totally worthless at work.

5:01p.m. - My mom calls me. We both read each other the texts we got which are identical. She asks me if I think they will deliver him. I think back to all my experience in medical school and answer her, oh wait...no...how they hell am I supposed to know. I tell her this. She says I should try to figure it out. This means, I will text Pete at 5:45p.m. for an update.

5:39p.m. - Dear God, is it EVER going to be 5:45p.m.? NO. I can't wait. So I text Pete. "Any update?" 

5:39p.m. - Pete responds, "Nothing official. her bp is still high, though. M wants you to know that she got an IV." 
(I mentioned her fear of needles. So I was not surprised she wanted me to know this. It was a big deal. Little did she know....)

5:52p.m. - Pete texts "The nurse just said she 'think[s] [Melissa] just bought a ticket to have a baby today."

(Thank goodness for the brackets or I might not have known who he was talking about.)

7:15p.m. - I leave the office and run like hell (er, quickly walk. I was in heels.) to the Metro to then get my car and drive to the hospital. 

7:51 p.m. - THIS EFFIN' GPS IS TAKING ME THE LONGEST WAY EVER. WHERE THE HELL AM I?

8:03 p.m. - I hear my phone beeping with text messages that I can't check because it will screw up the GPS. I say a swear word at a fire truck that forces me to pull over.

8:04 p.m. - I feel really bad about saying a swear word at that fire truck because, you know, it was probably a fire or something.

8:16 p.m. - I get to a red light and see that Pete has been texting me things like, "She's going in. I'm in waiting room." I tell him I am five minutes away. That's sort of a lie. I'm really 8 minutes away but I'm hoping to make up those extra three minutes with some fancy maneuvering.

8:17 p.m. - Pete texts me "...baby may arrive shortly. i.e. minutes."

8:18 p.m. - Little do I know, CHARLIE IS BORN

8:33 p.m. - The lady at the registration desk tells me I have to sit in the lobby until they give me an update. I told her my bro-in-law said that he is in the post-anesthesia recovery waiting room and that I can meet him there. She tells me to hang tight in the lobby. So, I sit down.

8:39 p.m. - SCREW THIS. I'm going upstairs. I ask someone how to get to Labor & Delivery and wander up there. I used to work in a hospital. I'm not scared to go places I'm maybe not supposed to go.

8:45 p.m. - I get stopped by a nurse on the floor who says, "Who are you?" She questions my lack of credentials. I play dumb. She says she'll go find Pete who can come out and give me an update. She says, "STAY. RIGHT. HERE" like I'm a five-year-old. I guess I was there illegally and appeared not to be able to follow directions.

8:46 p.m. - The same nurse comes out and says that Pete has his hands full and that I can go back for just a minute (Lindsay: 1, THE SYSTEM: 0)

8:46 p.m. - I walk into a big room with a curtain and there is Pete holding a baby. I start to cry, mascara running down my face. I look unstable. The doctor says Melissa is doing well and will be out of anesthesia soon then turns to me and asks, "Who are you?" I respond with, "I'm the sister. I mean, THE AUNT!!"

8:49p.m. - I realize that I shouldn't risk being kicked out of the hospital altogether and venture back down to the waiting room. But not before snapping this:

8:50p.m. - 11:30p.m. - I read every magazine in the waiting room. I give mean looks to a woman whose kids are really loud and are running circles around me like vultures. A pizza guy walks in looking for whoever ordered a pizza. I debate telling him it was me. I have no cash. Damnit. That pizza smells delicious.

11:31p.m. - Pete comes down to the lobby to see me and Mark Jones (who had gone to take care of the dog and pick some items up from their house.) It was fitting that Mark and I were both there since we were the Best Man and Maid of Honor (respectively) at their wedding. We are the whole reason that Charlie was born into a holy union. You're welcome, Charlie. 

11:37p.m. - I get to see my sister! She is all drugged up. I tell her I'll let her rest. She tells me she wants to hang out. Then, she immediately falls asleep mid-sentence.

11:50p.m. - Mark, Pete, and I venture down to the cafeteria for dinner. I'm bummed that the frozen yogurt station is closed. But, it's ok because CHARLIE!!

The rest of the week consisted of me looking at pictures of Charlie every 20 minutes and texting my mom for updates. (Mom drove up at 5a.m. the next day)

That brings us to the nipples. Yesterday, we got word that Melissa's health was better and that she and Charlie may be able to go home. Mom and I went to Babies 'R Us to buy some needed items like preemie diapers - something no new parents think to buy. Although Charles loves him the boob, we also needed to supplement with some formula to help beef him up. That's when my Mom started saying the word "nipples" multiple times throughout the store. As in, bottle nipples. I think Babies 'R Us is really the only g-rated place where no one bats an eye at someone yelling "I'll just buy a bunch of nipples!" Still, I asked if she could keep her voice down a bit.  

It was so wonderful to be able to help welcome Charlie and my amazing sister home. (And Pete too! Poor Pete slept far too many nights in a hospital chair.) 

I promise this won't become one of those horrible Mommy blogs that make me so crazy. Mostly because I'm not a Mommy and an "Auntie Blog" is not even a genre. Although, since it turns out my nephew is crazy adorable, you can definitely expect periodic stories and pictures. In fact, here are few for ya:

Just hanging out. The newborn-sized close are a bit too large. Charlie's modeling them old-man-style so that they're up to his neck. 

Ready to go home! That's his quit-taking-my-picture-Aunt-Lindsay hand. Get used to it, kid. 

Congrats to Melissa and Pete! It's only been six days but I can say with confidence that you are incredible parents. As his favorite Aunt, I'm here when you need me. Unless he needs his diaper changed. I heard Grandma say she wanted to handle all of that. I don't want to deny her of that honor.